well balanced nutrition and exercise aside for a second, let's talk about emotional health…specifically the emotional health of all the single ladies out there. [insert Beyonce soundtrack here]
Things NOT To Say To A Single Girl:
1. "Have you thought about online dating?" Of course we've thought about it, if for no other reason than the fact that you're the 3rd person to mention it…this week. Have you ever been to the Goodwill Bargain Bin? After hours of rummaging through used, dirty and rejected items you usually walk away empty handed. Sure, there's the occasional 'steal' where you find something worth way more than the 25 cents you paid for it (because you went on a Wednesday), but the experience takes bravery, game and an unnatural level of optimism, because, let's face it, online, the creepers to cuties are a million to 1.
2. "You'll find the one. He's out there." No kidding, he's out there. The world is populated by more than 6 billion people. After you account for gender, language, age and maybe even a few other desirable preferences, there's probably still over 100,000 men I could happily spend forever with. But is it really so crazy to believe that I can be content and fulfilled as a single twenty-something!? I mean, contrary to popular belief, I don't spend my weeknights sifting through eligible bachelors on my newsfeed. I like not having to filter my mood or temperament through someone else's. I also like not having to serve someone else's schedule before my own. I'm comforted by the fact that he's out there, so thanks for that, but when you assure me that I'll find him it makes me think you're worried that I haven't already…and expect me to be worried. and that worries me!
3. "You still have time." When you say this, are you referencing my fertility? Are you worried about my ageing eggs? Because if so, that's weird and really pretty personal. This is my uterus we're talking about! Or, are we? …because if you weren't referencing my reproductive system, does it matter at what age I find the infamous Him? Isn't love the same at 20, 40 or 60? But back to the whole baby making thing - the only thing a woman - any woman - can do is hope that when she wants to have children - if she wants to have children - she is able to. Beyond that, it's out of our control.
4. "How are you still single!?" Because all women who aren't totally repulsive or heartless mean girls should be in relationships. Right? Are you asking if I have some sort of deformity; a physical, or psychological shortcoming that makes me repulsive to all men? Because that's what I'm hearing. And last I checked, no, I don't. But I'm also pretty sure that 'being awesome' isn't the only qualifier for being in a relationship.
5. "You're too picky." Oh, so my morals and standards bother you? Should I settle for spending the next few years of my young, vibrant life in a half-assed partnership where neither of us are propelling the other further toward our goals/purpose/ambitions and fight over what to do on Friday nights? Now that I mention it, that sounds a lot like the definition of marriage in 2014. No thank you. I'd rather keep my boyfriendless status and my soul, thank you very much. I want commitment. I want the real deal, and if that's too much to ask, then I'm better off without it.
6. "You're emotionally unavailable." Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. Phil. I'm always slightly confused by this one. Is it the expectation that I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and fall for any gentlemen that looks my way? Because let me tell you, some of the men I've met haven't been worth feelings, tears and all that jazz. I think I'll hold onto my emotions until I meet someone worth rolling up my sleeves for. Don't expect me to put in the time if you're not willing to go the distance. Yeah, I'm a female but that doesn't mean I'm wasting 600 calories and a pint of Ben & Jerry's on you.
7. "It'll happen when you stop looking/least expect it." No, I'm pretty sure you're no longer single because you never stopped looking for it. My life doesn't look like an episode of Sex & The City. I'd take Carrie Bradshaws closet any day, but believe it or not, I don't sit around gabbing with my girlfriends about where to find/how to snatch a catch. Just because I don't have a man on my arm doesn't mean I'm hyperactively looking for one. Think about that…how does that make any sense!? AT ALL!?
Hear me out - I’m not saying those of us who are single aren’t allowed to long for someone to share our life adventures with. I’m saying that it sucks that our society equates singleness with unhappiness. When you realize you’re alone (note: this is not the same thing as being lonely) and content, it’s a truly liberating thing. So I'm going to keep doing my thing - you can suggest eHarmony or set me up on a blind date - but know that I'm choosing to first seek the Kingdom of Heaven, trusting that everything else is secondary (yes, even some Jesus loving hunk of a man).
Cause, you know, he’s totally out there...
Eat well. Live well. Be well.