faking Christmas.

in some small ways I'm trying. lighting our teeny tree and wrapping things with bows.

listening to Christmas music, as I come and as I go.

attending family get-togethers and the occasional social soiree.

mostly because my therapist says staying in and eating my weight in chocolate chips is not okay.

but in many ways, I'm not trying at all.

no Christmas cards, no cookies, no stockings hung by the tree.

no Christmas cheer, or holiday magic. not this year, not for me.

no one quite understands, and I pray they never do.

the chore that is living life when all that's left is you.

Christmas is really just fluff this year. like fake white snow you see in window displays.

because any gift - given or received - falls short in so many ways.

he's never coming back. not now, not ever.

and yet, I'm still supposed to smile, sing and get together...

…with friends, family and neighbours all aglow with this Wonderful Time Of Year

while my heart's too-sizes-too-small and filled with "bah-humbug" over here.

yet, as I sit here wishing that the world would just leave me out.

I'm prompted to remember what Christmas is all about.

not me, not you, not the pain we hide away.

but the truth of Jesus and his promise to return some day.

so remember, wherever your spirit falls this year, no matter how dark or how grey the days become,

know that you're not alone and that the victory has already been won.

 

Merry Christmas, I guess, to all - happy and sad - because even faking Christmas can't be all bad.